i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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