half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
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It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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