Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
