Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
