i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
