Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
