All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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