I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
