I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I enjoy the company of your penis
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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