his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
