You really coming over, don't trick.
I got chris browned last night
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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