He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
