Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
The beer is more important than you right now.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
