People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
