She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
