he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
he's single and there are thong briefs.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
