Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
