I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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