I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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