I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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