did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
