I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Can you bring me the toilet please
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
