Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I just cut my nipple shaving
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
