If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Randomize
