if i died would you start the facebook group?
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
