I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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