we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
