I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
