what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
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