I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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