Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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