I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
