nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
literally had 100 drinks last night.
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
