dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
third nipple confirmed
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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