he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
