they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.