i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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