she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
