I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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