I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
