you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
