And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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