We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
