I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
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Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
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I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize