if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
