Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
