I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
