So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Damn victory sex feels great
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
