Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
