This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Randomize
