Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
