Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
