at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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