I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
My underwear smells like fireworks.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
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