There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
