I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
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