I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
