I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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