My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize