Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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