She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
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