omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
