We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Randomize
