watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Randomize
